The God I've Made You

“Help me let You go,
Help me give up control,
Of the god I've made You
When my fear has contained You.”

For whatever reason, these lyrics came into my head during the current evening I’m writing in (August, 9, 2021) and of course I thought of a dear and sweet friend going through a confusing time, so of course I had to send them the song and then listen to it myself. Will Reagan probably is one of my favorite faith based songwriters. I lived on his and United Pursuit’s music while I lived in Nashville. Listening to “Let You Go” — goodness. I closed my eyes, listened to every word, every note, and I felt as if I were in my SUV driving up and down the highway on the west side of Nashville, where the road sits in the twists and turns of the valley. Driving through I-40 West at any time of day, any weather, with my worship playlist playing (or Return of the Mack, s/o to my roomie and homie Jasmine). During the summer of 2020, after being furloughed and eventually laid off, moving out of our apartment into a new house that we ended up having to move out of hardley even a month later, all the while keeping my heart at a distance from a human I very dearly loved because well, I just simply had to at the time - gave several mornings waking up in tears, gagging so much that I made myself sick because I would wake up in nerves over deciding to leave the city after waiting so long to live there. Life is a journey, whether you believe in a higher power or not, of giving up control and not letting our fears contain us. Here I am now in 2022, where I picked up this blog draft and I’m still giving up control and attempting to avoid giving into fear and before we know it, we will be doing the same thing in 2029.